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Josh-D. S. Davis

Xaminmo / Omnimax / Max Omni / Mad Scientist / Midnight Shadow / Radiation Master

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How much is too much when it's family?
Josh 201604 KWP
When a family member asks for help, how much is too much?

Before you help someone, how much do you expect them to have done already?

What if they don't keep their life in order normally?

What if *you* have just become their fallback plan and you didn't know this until now?

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(Deleted comment)

How much is too much when it's family?

For my immediate family (mom, dad, sister, brother, Josh)-- there is no limit. I know that if help is asked for, it is *really* needed. Perhaps more importantly, I know that I would not be taken advantage of, and that my help would not only be appreciated, but used as a springboard rather than as a crutch.

For extended family, things become a little weird. First off, I dunno why anyone would ask *me* for help. Secondly, I'm not really that close to extended family.... but I would help if they needed it. For some members, I'd be wary, and would only give so much--- only because I know that it would be taken advantage of. For others, I know it would be used well and much appreciated.

I guess it really just depends upon appreciation and whether or not it's out of apathy that they need help in the first place. I don't have much tolerance for those who make the same mistakes over and over and over again.

I expect someone to at least be making efforts to get their shit together. I will not be relied upon, but am willing to work with someone to help them improve things. There's got to be a lot of readily apparent evidence of that willingness and effort on their part.

If I have become the fallback plan, I expect it to be temporary, and also to only be a minute part of the plan. I expect planning and effort from the other party... I don't know...that's a weird situation. I want to be asked, not told that I'm the backup plan. :|

I'd say if I see them repeately make poor choices after advice to the contrary, which lead to the problematic situation, then I'm not likely to offer much assistance.

Also, if they are not in a position to right themselves, and refuse the assistance that is required to resolve the situation, then I'm not willing to offer them smaller assistance, as this would be wasted.

Lack of foresight is not an excuse for hardship, only disaster. If you spend away your retirement, don't have insurance, etc. then this is a choice... "Oh, I didn't have the money" is no excuse... live within your means... If you can't, then you should cut expenses, live more cheaply, eat rice and beans to the demise of your coworkers, etc.

This is why I drive a used car, because if I had to live on half my salary, I don't want to lose my car and end up cascading into homelessness.

I have debt, but if all fell thru, I couuld live in a $285/mo place with a bare phone line and my car and live off of $800/mo if I really had to... my credit would fall to shit, but I'd still have a place to live and a car to get to work...

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