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Josh-D. S. Davis

Xaminmo / Omnimax / Max Omni / Mad Scientist / Midnight Shadow / Radiation Master

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Procedures for living in Dallas...
Josh 201604 KWP
joshdavis
14. It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST
NORTHWEST highway. Don't let this confuse you.



VISITOR'S GUIDE TO DALLAS, TX
Life in America's Fifth Largest City

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS
depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version
of traffic rules... Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous
high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Get on Beltline"...which has no beginning and
no end.

4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from
3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out
and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line count to
five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the
drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

6. Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form
of entertainment. We have had soooo much fun with that, that we have added
George Bush Freeway (aka 190) and Jupiter Roads to the mix.

7. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort
Worth!!"

8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
defect.

9. All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way.

10. Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW highway, East Grand, Marsh Lane, 15th Street,
Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections.
(These are only a few examples) The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known
as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands, cross NW Hwy.
and it becomes Plano Rd, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave,
Ave K, and Highway 5.

12. A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of 4 hours,
although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The
minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less
is considered downright sissy.

13. The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff isn't ornamental.

14. It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST
NORTHWEST highway. Don't let this confuse you.

15. The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR.

16. LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

18. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is
going on.

19. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, you are at the Byron Nelson
Golf Classic in the second round if it is in the spring and you're at the
Texas State Fair if it is in the fall.

20. Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are
conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow
for ample parking on grassy areas.

21. If you need to ask for directions, get ALL the names of the street you
are being told to turn onto...we intermix numbers, letters, & names for the
same roads. (Stemmons, 35, I-35)

22. If your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new
one.
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HA!!! That's GREAT!!! Did you make those up????

Nope... If I were THAT creative, I'd be rich. :)

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