Josh-Daniel S. Davis (joshdavis) wrote,
Josh-Daniel S. Davis

Me as a guy...

This is how things always were for me. I'd meet or see someone who fit within a complex set of indescribable parameters. I'd be attracted. I'd get that heavy-chested giddy feeling. I'd be too nervous to talk, or maybe i'd try to show off how smart I was, or how good I could rub shoulders or just anything to A) get attention and B) show that I was an OK person.

Of course, it didn't work... and so my hopes would gros, silently, until I thought I was in love. Maybe closer to a crush, but they were strong feelings... So strong, that I'd make a conscious effort to try and become friends, but then we'd end up as friends, and I'd see her go out with someone else... then It would end... then I'd hope she'd see how wonderful I was, and no, another guy.... I'd get to hear stories, etc...

I guess maybe I set off the "desparate" or "needy" vibe... But I'd 'fall' for someone very quickly, though I was never able to tell her, whoever she was at that time.

This started changing only as recently as 1998... I left Beth because I realized I was with her to not be alone, and she with me because she needed someone, anyone, and didn't realize that I wasnt quite right for her...

Amy was a bad thing for me... She has no scruples when it comes to dating, and is manipulative in the kindest of ways... I was severaly hurt by her, but really by myself for falling so hard for her when I barely knew her.

Luckily, Erica and I were that fraction of a second into the bare minimum required for us to be coerced into a relationship, and we matched up and slung ourselves together... I hope we work out well for a long time... I want to grow old with her... I want to have kids with her in a couple of years. I want us to solve our problems together...

I guess sometimes I worry because I think I'm a little distant. I like to do my thing alot, which doesn't show her my love for her. Sometimes, I'm content just knowing she's around. Sometimes I'm a hornball and worry that I'll put her off or that maybe sex will get in the way.

Though I think she's very devoted to making this work, so maybe she'll be able to tolerate my fumbling towards old age with her. She truly is wonderful.
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