One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "....
and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is
falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think the farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he
said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,"
answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went
'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
mischief,finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into
Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run
in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until
St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan,come in or stay out!'"
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother
was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the
light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will
you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't
dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three
year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to
get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,
remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six,
that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught
them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."