So am I, so here's my offering of a series of promises that really speak of true friendship:
When you are sad -- I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.
When you are confused -- I will use little words.
When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath...I pledge it till the end, because you are my friend!
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move bodies. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.