Josh-Daniel S. Davis (joshdavis) wrote,
Josh-Daniel S. Davis
joshdavis

HUMOR: Distinguising engineers

Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

You Might be an Engineer if....

* The only jokes you receive are through e-mail
* At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
* Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma
* Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room
* In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure
* The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
* You are always late to meetings
* You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling
* You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday
* You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
* You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
* You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
* You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
* You forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months
* You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects
* You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area
* You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
* You have more friends on the Internet than in real life
* You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married
* You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
* You know what http:// actually stands for
* You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
* You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
* You see a good design and still have to change it
* You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring
* You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
* You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
* You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)
* You window shop at Radio Shack
* You're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite
* You know what the geosynchronous satellite function is
* Your checkbook always balances
* Your laptop computer costs more than your car
* Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work
* Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300Mhz Pentium
* You've already calculated how much you make per second
* You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio
* if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
* if you enjoy pain.
* if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
* if you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
* if you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
* if when you look in a mirror, you see an engineering major.
* if it is sunny and 80 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
* if you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
* if you always do homework on Friday nights.
* if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
* if you think in "math."
* if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
* if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
* if you have a pet named after a scientist.
* if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
* if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger's Cat experiment.
* if you can translate English into Binary.
* if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
* if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
* If you are completely addicted to caffeine.
* if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
* if you consider ANY non-science course "easy."
* if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
* if the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
* if you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
* if you understood more than five of these indicators.
* if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
* if you think it might be a neat idea to send this message to all of your friends in the form of e-mail.
* if your wife emails you to tell you dinner is ready
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