?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Josh-D. S. Davis

Xaminmo / Omnimax / Max Omni / Mad Scientist / Midnight Shadow / Radiation Master

Previous Entry Share Flag Next Entry
Acceptance
Josh 201604 KWP
joshdavis
UPDATE Uh, yah, hard to post anonymously if I have it require Registered Users... sorry and fixed.
This is actually alot more questioning than I anticipated.
You can really do whatever you choose to do,
but if you want to be a sheep, then I'll give you some options.
  • Feel free to mock me for asking so much.
  • Feel free to only reply that you will think about it but that it's none of my damned business.
  • Feel free to write anonymously. You never know. We may not know you as well as you think. We all keep alot hidden inside.
  • You can use multiple replies if you overflow.
  • You can reply to just one or two questions.
I'll make this so it looks ugly in the post,
but so you can cut/paste and have proper bolding in reply.


<B>What makes you feel most accepted socially?</B>

<B>What makes you feel most accepted romantically?</B>
(Not sexually, unless you don't have distinction between the two)

<B>What makes you feel most unaccepted?</B>

<B>Are you generally insecure because of or in relation to this?</B>
(ie, do you generally feel under accepted, or in need of acceptance?
Do you try to gain acceptance?
Are you deeply injured by a lack of acceptance?)

<B>Can you trace any of this back to a root cause?</B>
(ie, why does acceptance affect you the way it does?
This is usually alot further back than last year,
and alot deeper than you would explore daily.)

<B>Are your primary relationships specifically because of your need for acceptance,
or in addition to?
</B> <B>How so?</B> <B>Elaborate.</B>

<B>Name 3-5 major faults in yourself, other than a need for acceptance.</B>

<B>Name 3-5 major benefitial traits/qualities as you see yourself.</B>

<B>Get one or two of your friends to name the same.</B>
(ie, looking for disparity here. If they can't or won't,
then consider whether they are helping you grow and vice versa,
and how to fix that.)

<B>If you were able to see these good things daily, how would you change?</B>

<B>Can you accept that your friends' statemens may be correct?</B>

<B>Can you accept that they still accept you, despite your faults?</B>

<B>How can you achieve a state such that you are regularly aware of these good traits?</B>
(ie, what makes you notice them?
How can you combat the unsure feelings about them?)

<B>What do you get from YOUR friends?</B>

<B>Is there a good balance?</B>

<B>Are you now lost, cursing me for making this big list of evil questions?</B>
(Blame me. It's ok. It's all my fault.)
anyway, the end.
Tags:


  • 1
What makes you feel most accepted socially?
Being invited. Sometimes I can't come, but it always feels good to be invited.

What makes you feel most accepted romantically?
When I tell my husband, "I love you" and he says, "I love you more" and then kisses me on the forehead.

What makes you feel most unaccepted?
When I'm in a group, or at a party, and it's obvious that people are cliquing up specifically to keep me out of a conversation. Also, when I try to join a group conversation and I am ignored or no one lets me speak.

Are you generally insecure because of or in relation to this?
I've been unaccepted enough to know when to step back and either just watch what is going on or leave or find someone else to talk to who I can trash the rude people with. That part is always fun. And it's a pretty strong defense mechanism. When I am hurt, I tend to go and completely trash the person I was hurt by. It took me a long time to realize that I was doing this, on a fairly regular basis in fact, but I'm still not mature enough to stop it every time. It's just too damn fun. But I try.

I am also a strong believer in karma. If someone does something bad to me, I do my best to stay neutral about it, because in almost every case, karma comes to bite that person in the ass in a big way. It happens EVERY EFFING TIME.

When I'm being ignored, either because a person doesn't like me, or worse, doesn't think of me at all, it makes me feel terribly insecure. As they say, the opposite of hate is not love, it's apathy.

Can you trace any of this back to a root cause?
I, like most people, feel like I'm "on the fringe" of a lot of groups of people but don't quite belong to any of them. It's been that way most of my life. I try to be friends with an already entrenched group, and I never quite make it into the "in crowd", as it were. I try to be included, but then inevitably, I'll be snubbed or forgotten or treated badly or something, and it really hurts my feelings. I used to just pretend that everything was OK, but these days I'm smart enough to realize when people are being assholes and I just move on. It's not worth it to try to put myself on the line and then treated poorly.

I'll give you a very current example. I became a fan of a local band last year, and I met quite a few cool people who were basically the elite fans of the group. Some were even friends with members outside of the group, but most had simply been fans for years. We hung out at concerts, and did some promotional stuff for the band. I would be invited to the public stuff. But often times, they'd have parties where everyone who was at the previous activity was invited, except for me. I'd work hard to do what I could in the way of the promotions, but then I'd get to the group activities and not be included in a lot of the conversations I tried to join. While I was never completely shunned, I never felt quite accepted into the "in" crowd. The final straw was when I was invited to the engagement party of one of the girls, where I brought a gift, and I let the couple come into my building and take engagement pictures in my unique "urban" setting, and then everyone that was at the engagement party was invited to the wedding but me. She told me it was a small wedding, and yet all of these people were there but me. I realized that maybe I was being taken advantage of at worst, and at best, tolerated. I decided that even though I still like the music of the band, I wasn't going to let my feelings get hurt because I'm not ever going to be in the "in" crowd of these hard-core fans. Now, in their defense, many of them have known each other for years, and here I was, the new person, but I still felt like I was not getting out of the group what I was committing to it emotionally.

Sometimes it seems like it would be so much easier to just be an identical cog. Interchangeable.

It sucks, but there are entrenched groups.
There is also the discomfort of interacting with people you don't know. If there are people who you DO know, you'll gravitate. Plus, the talking. For some reason, actually having any substantial amount of communication is strictly forbidden.

Be different, and enjoy it.
It takes time to find friends, or good friends, unless you are one of those superbeautiful people that EVERYONE wants to be, to be around, to hump, etc.

I had alot of trouble, so I just joined a particular crowd who was generally too high to notice differences between people who were cool and not cool. It worked out pretty well, but even now, there's the "who do I really like and trust.? Who of these people feel the same about me? Ok, and now, who of this little subset are actually in a life position where we can align for any sizeable portion of existence?"

It's a big pita.
Pita pocket.
I'm hungry.
It's past supper time.
AIM is flashing.

The world sucks, but be different. It is the very fact that you are different that makes you more valuable. I'd like to say you'll truly get over the world sucking, but I'd be lying, because the world likes to suck, and we never really get over the things that fuck us up the most.

or something.

As if I'm some guru or shrine of knowledge. I'm just making this up as I go along.

Are your primary relationships specifically because of your need for acceptance,
or in addition to?
How so? Elaborate.

I have very few "primary relationships". My inner circle is basically composed of my husband, my mom, and my best friend Michael. These three people I trust with anything. These are my primary circle relationships because with them there is no need for acceptance, there is simply acceptance. I trust them all implicitly.

Name 3-5 major faults in yourself, other than a need for acceptance.
The size of my ass, my naiveness to the world around me, my mood swings, my lack of acceptance of stupid people

Name 3-5 major benefitial traits/qualities as you see yourself.

My undying loyalty to people whom I trust, my intelligence, my ability to have a good perspective on virtually any situation, my ability to listen to people who really need an ear, my maturity in situations where people need to act their age and not their shoe size

Get one or two of your friends to name the same.
(ie, looking for disparity here. If they can't or won't,
then consider whether they are helping you grow and vice versa,
and how to fix that.)

DAN - Faults: panic attacks, talk too loud when talking to mom on phone, indecisiveness on small issues (what to eat for dinner, etc)

DAN - Strengths: really smart, good with numbers, great in bed, I can drive a stick, pretty smile

If you were able to see these good things daily, how would you change?

I don't think I'd change much, I worry much more about my perceived faults, but I feel very secure in the things which I find to be my strengths. I am who I am. I do my best to be a better person than I currently am, but there are traits about me that some people just don't like. And I'm OK with that. I'll tell you a little secret - there are a lot of people I don't like, either, but I tolerate them because they're friends of friends.

Can you accept that your friends' statements may be correct?

Absolutely. I know I'm not perfect.

Can you accept that they still accept you, despite your faults?

Yes, very much so. I know Dan loves me. :)

How can you achieve a state such that you are regularly aware of these good traits?
(ie, what makes you notice them?
How can you combat the unsure feelings about them?)

I'm fairly aware most of the time. Unfortunately, I'm also very aware of the bad things.

What do you get from YOUR friends?

I enjoy their company, and a good conversation. With Michael, it's good to know that someone is there for me for whatever I need, whenever I need it. But we can also be good friends without needing anything from each other. We don't have a lot in common, but we simply enjoy each other's company.

Is there a good balance?

Sometimes. When I bring new people or new groups in my life, many times it throws off the natural ebb and flow of my life, which can get awkward and sometimes painful. The growing pains of having new friends is sometimes worse than being alone.

Are you now lost, cursing me for making this big list of evil questions?
(Blame me. It's ok. It's all my fault.)

Nah.

I particularly like your use of "inner circle".

We are all strangers in a strange land, da?


My own answers, because it's only fair

What makes you feel most accepted socially?
When I do something that helps someone, and they recognize it to me very slightly. Too much makes me try to dispel it or explain why I'm unworthy

What makes you feel most accepted romantically?
Attention, physical proximity, affection, intimacy in all forms, though the non-sexual kind seems to last longer and be more overall rewarding, while the sexual kind seems to be more driven.

What makes you feel most unaccepted?
Being excluded because of communication gap. This is whether it's express or implied. It just happens sometimes. It's usually only bad when it turns out that there is noone to sync up with. I get kind of needy, and then people are more aversive, so it's a cascade failure. This is complicated by my tendancy to hide in my own world to avoid sensory/emotional overload.

Are you generally insecure because of or in relation to this?
This isn't the cause of my insecurity, it's just a side-loop.

Can you trace any of this back to a root cause?
Because my dad was pretty rough emotionally. He was distant. I can recall minor infractions being a big deal. Anything not the way he would do it was a grevious failure. He forgot to say good job even when it was imperfect. He forgot to try to learn to forgive himself, so I never saw how to forgive him. It's more and more complex than this. I carry alot of this.

Are your primary relationships specifically because of your need for acceptance, or in addition to? Yes
How so? Elaborate. I have traditionally been acceptance starved. This tends to make me devote too little attention to those who matter and to much attention to those who don't. I tend to blur the lines on sexuality enough that I fixate on attraction too much, and sometimes have trouble differentiating between intimacy, sensuality, and sexuality. This is of course a BadThing(tm).

Name 3-5 major faults in yourself, other than a need for acceptance.
I'm overweight (emotional issue).
I can be snippy or caustic too easily.
I can be detached in strange ways which unsettle some people.
I don't acknowledge my own good points (outside of tech) except by feedback and willful concentration.
I have a geek ego the size of a planet and can get fairly indignant about it.

Name 3-5 major benefitial traits/qualities as you see yourself.
I'm fairly smart, even if I do have plenty of idiot moments.
I don't REALLY intend harm to anyone. I get pissed and reactionary sometimes, but I'll usually try to be a good guy, even just a TEENSY bit of effort to help someone.
I can operate in a state of semi-trance fairly easily, which allows me, ideally, to maintain state in a large way. This ties into the smart part.
I'm tall, which helps me find people in crowds, and seems to have a little bit of magic through unintentional intimidation *guilt*.
I try to analyze everything, including myself, people, the universe. It has a drawback of being nit-picky with details, but it sure helps understand and figure out things. This ties into the smart thing.

Get one or two of your friends to name the same.
crackmonkey told me I genuinely don't mean people harm, and that I have the potential to improve myself.
mw told me I rock because I was able to give some hard questions/direction in a hard situation. (It helps that he's also tolerant, smart, and we don't really clash on much, so there's a pretty good sense of mutual respect going on there)
I'll have to get razormaid to append this.

Re: My own answers, because it's only fair

If you were able to see these good things daily, how would you change?
I'd probably not punish myself so much, or hide as much. I'd probably become an egomaniac, which would give me new reason to punish myself.

Can you accept that your friends' statemens may be correct?
Only with embarrassment, but I trust their judgements alot more than I trust my own. I still have trouble suspending disbelief.

Can you accept that they still accept you, despite your faults?
Maybe.

How can you achieve a state such that you are regularly aware of these good traits?
Try not to forget them 5 seconds after they are brought up. Psychonautical exploration with therapists er, my friends.

What do you get from YOUR friends?
Comfort, sense of not being alone, faint sense of hive-mind, acceptance.

Is there a good balance?
I don't see it, but they seem to still want to be around me. When put on the spot, they have convincing reasons. I still have a hard time believing that I'm valuable to someone else. Most of my own ego is based in tech, and this is enough to consider me not a waste of carbon, but I rely heavily on having people want to be around me as a sense of value.

Are you now lost, cursing me for making this big list of evil questions?
Maybe. I curse myself always. Er. No, not eally. I'm my own best resource. Maybe if I help other people ask questions of themselves, then they'll get me to ask questions of myself.

B>What makes you feel most accepted socially?</b>
good conversation - more than just the next person waiting for their turn to speak

What makes you feel most accepted romantically?
knowing that I am the reason behind that sparkle in Patrick's eyes when he says, "I Love You, Babydoll"

What makes you feel most unaccepted?
I would say that when someone makes a show of the fact that they are ignoring me, that tends to drive the point home best - in my experience, it's usually comprised of looks in my direction followed by sneers and loud comments to people whom either I care about or who are supposed to care about me

Are you generally insecure because of or in relation to this?
I try not to be. Most of this stemmed from a couple of poisoned friendships/relationships I had a long time ago - people who I discovered only felt better about themselves when I felt bad. Knowing this now didn't make it better at the time - but it does allow me a pretty good perspective of what I will and will not tolerate in my life. I have a pretty good idea of who I am now - for the most part. Thus, I am very determined in keeping people like that out of my life anymore.

Are your primary relationships specifically because of your need for acceptance, or in addition to? How so? Elaborate.
This is an odd question. Everybody's primary relationships are based on some level of acceptance. Whether that acceptance has been built over time or whether it's just always been, to me, you can't have a true relationship without trust and love and those go hand in hand with the type of acceptance a primary relationship has. So, I guess, my answer to this would be in addition to ... ?

Name 3-5 major faults in yourself, other than a need for acceptance.
1)I'm never on time - which I don't see as a big issue; but, I know it bothers other people. 2)Even if I forgive, I never forget - it will always be in the back of my mind. 3)When I argue out of anger, I go straight for the jugular - whatever truthful thing will hurt the most.

Name 3-5 major benefitial traits/qualities as you see yourself.
1)I am a good listener and shoulder to lean on. I'll help those I care about in whatever way I can - physically or mentally. 2)I admit when I am wrong and apologize. 3)Even though I may not always agree, I am always open points of view that vary from my own.

What do you get from YOUR friends?
My good friends are people that I have fun with, can be serious with, who watch me make an ass of myself and will join in ... or help wipe away the tears (whatever the case may be). They make fun of my chipmunk cheeks when I have my wisdon teeth extracted - but tuck me in and take care of me when I need to rest. They share their pains, fears, joys and triumphs of their lives and allow me to do the same. When I've fucked up, they don't sugarcoat it for me because they know I hate that. Regardless, they still love and accept me for who I am.

Is there a good balance?
I'd like to think so.

Are you now lost, cursing me for making this big list of evil questions?
eh - I'll live ;)

crap, I forgot about the whole punctuality thing. I'm on time about thrice a year.

I can relate to the angry arguments. Emotions provide a massive focus, and anger makes me play to win.

Respecting a viewpoint comes from understanding it. Having agreement has it's own, ego/comfort bits to it, but exploring opposing viewpoints teaches. I hate it when people won't explore something because it might cause conflict, or they feel they have to back down or are intimidated.

still got the wisdom teeth, and I just bit the BACK of my tongue because of things not working right. But, I'd rather do that because I'm a total puss and don't want oral surgery. Plus, 2 of them lined up this year. In another 9 years, maybe the other 2 will too.

This reply isn't really all about me. It's about compare/contrast. I just happen to start 80% of my sentences with I or Me. Ok, so maybe that's self-centric. Whatevs. :)

Get one or two of your friends to name the same.
Pr Avia: strengths 1)I'm silver lining girl. I see the good in all situations & 2) I'm a people person. I get along w/ everyone but horse-faced people. faults: 1) I procrastinate and 2) I'm late
Pr Patrick: strengths 1) I'm confident. I have knowledge of my limitations and abilities. 2) Supreme attention to detail. 3) Truthfulness. faults: 1) Supreme attention to detail. 2) Truthfulness.

If you were able to see these good things daily, how would you change?
I try to keep an even balance of my awareness of my good points as well as my bad points. So, that said, I don't see me changing much.

Can you accept that your friends' statemens may be correct?
Absolutely.

Can you accept that they still accept you, despite your faults?
Yep. I have some pretty odd idiocyncracies and I don't keep them hidden. So, if they're still around, it's because they love me and accept me as is - or they're just not too bright. ;)

How can you achieve a state such that you are regularly aware of these good traits?
Because I know what I don't want to be like when I grow up; so, if I'm feeling unsure of how I come across, I ask. I know I'm not perfect. I accept that and try to keep myself in check where I can. Patrick helps with the rest.

Growing up.
Bleh.
I don't wanna grow up, cuz if I did, I couldn't be a Toys 'R Us Kid.

Though the new TRU suxx0rz. Gimme capsella, old-school space legos, some old electronics, and some tools. *tinker* *tinker*

Well I was going to post something however it turned out to be more about my self-loathing than acceptance.

Either way some of us.. err me.. don't require acceptance or have a need for acceptance. Then again I'm a anti-social bastard who has created a shell script that simulates a conversation with a woman.

Would that be a hard, protective shell, or ?

Self loathing is just this thing, you know? (Zaphod's just this guy, you know?)

You know, if you were evil and mean, we too could be programmed to loathe you.

Er... join in. We are not robots. *click* Really.

What makes you feel most accepted socially?

I feel accepted by people who encourage respectful communication and growth and do not hold resentment if, after time, that growth means we end up "growing apart." (once resentment hits, no longer mutual acceptance)

For me, acceptance is not friendship (I can have friends who do not accept me much nor I them deeply), attraction, or validation.

Sexual acceptance would be the same, but within the boundaries of sexuality.

What makes you feel most accepted romantically?

Romance, to me, is the growth of acceptance, attraction, sexuality, and love all mixed up into some sensual, giggly thing. :) The fresh moments, the moments where I hear he is proud of me for the first time, when I look into his eyes and call him my husband, those are romantically accepted moments.

(Not sexually, unless you don't have distinction between the two)

What makes you feel most unaccepted?

When I feel as though people are listening to me and they want to pick up my pieces and fix them. They are not encouraging change and growth in me, but they are trying to change me themselves, even if they mean really well. When I am not asked questions but told (reflecting is not the same as being told) or when my thoughts are considered burdens. If it's a burden, it's not acceptance, and I have misunderstood the situation. I enjoy people sharing their thoughts/ideas/reflections (even in regards to me), but when it is put on me as an expectation to change, I do not feel accepted.

Are you generally insecure because of or in relation to this?
(ie, do you generally feel under accepted, or in need of acceptance?
Do you try to gain acceptance?
Are you deeply injured by a lack of acceptance?)


I do not think so. If anything, I am insecure about people not understanding my definition of acceptance, or worry they'd hurt by it. Despite my definition sounding harsh, I do actually accept A LOT of people, and I want to be accepted. That goes back to the "no resentment" thing when the acceptance fails or moves on. But I do not need to be accepted by others, because I am accepting myself, and that's enough. Everything else is a bonus for which I am truly thankful. Matt's acceptance is the closest thing to a need I have, and the closest thing I would be deeply injured by losing. But we have discussed what that would mean for us, and what it would take, and I have no worries there. While I would be sad to lose some people's acceptance, or for something to happen in which I no longer accept them, I could look back and value the road left behind.

Can you trace any of this back to a root cause?
(ie, why does acceptance affect you the way it does?
This is usually alot further back than last year,
and alot deeper than you would explore daily.)

I so easily accepted people so close and allowed myself to be hurt, that I now let the boundaries of acceptance grow with the relationship. I just don't dive in anymore as dee as I used to. If I get too close, and I sense it, I back off. I let the other person's actions help define our relationship.

I did not feel acceptance (in the way I define it) from my family until recently. Looking back, I can see it was there in its own way, but I was too young/blind/angry to see it. This molded me.

Shea was the first adult betrayal that really hit me *hard.* I thought I had this down before I met her, but I realize I was wrong. I thought I was protected and had nothing to fear, but I see now I have to keep my eyes open, and not expect what I used to unless it's been discussed or deeply proved to me. While I love her, and I care about her, I do not think we'll ever have the accepting relationship I thought we once had or could have. Sometimes I wonder if this affected me too much, but at this rate it's about me, and not her, and I am still learning what that whole thing (hell, year) means to me. This made acceptance a "thing," I know that. :)

continued....

Name 3-5 major faults in yourself, other than a need for acceptance.

Not feeling worthy enough, often times too stubborn (goes to control issues), and I interrupt people when I get excited (not in listening mode).

Name 3-5 major benefitial traits/qualities as you see yourself.

When in listening mode, I am a good listener/reflector. I see people for who they are as best I can, and I am becoming more confident by the day.

Get one or two of your friends to name the same.

I got Jamie...Matt's tired. Feel free, anyone, to offer anything...

Jamie~~ Negs: can be pushy sometimes (but only with family), stubborn, too quiet or too loud sometimes.

Pos: great listener, very considerate, honest

If you were able to see these good things daily, how would you change?

I am working to be aware of these things daily, because it's heathy and allows me to be the best person I can be. Sometimes I have different words than others do, but we're usually on the same page.

Can you accept that your friends' statemens may be correct?

Yes. :) And if I don't understand, I ask, and often times can see where they are coming from. I may not always see it everday, but I try to see myself through all situations objectively. If I don't agree, I talk about why. Sometimes it's a matter of word choice.

Can you accept that they still accept you, despite your faults?

Yes. Because they are helping me grow and change if I want to, and love me even if I don't (although they want me to explain why). :)

How can you achieve a state such that you are regularly aware of these good traits?

Talk, talk, synch, and be merry.

What do you get from YOUR friends?

Awareness, perspective, balance, laughter, love, and honesty.

Is there a good balance?

I like to believe so. I kind of have a theory that relationships are 100%, but not always 50/50. Sometimes one person may need more than the other, and then it switches. It's about being aware and communicating and making sure no one is getting worn out or left behind.

Are you now lost, cursing me for making this big list of evil questions?
(Blame me. It's ok. It's all my fault.)

No, but I am sleepy, and I need cuddles, so hopefully I made sense toward the end there.

During the hurricane, I'll probably answer these questions. I need some good introspective type stuff before I start this magicakl operation I'm going to start.

Goddamn, that's long.

I want to answer them all (and read everyone's responses) but it will have to be later. I just wanted you to know I intend on participating at some point soon.

What makes you feel most accepted socially?
People willing to spend time with me, because time is so valuable.

What makes you feel most accepted romantically?
(Not sexually, unless you don't have distinction between the two)
Again, time. Even time just talking or watching a movie.
Knowing I can tell my husband anything (which is kind of backwards, considering that hinges on acceptance).

What makes you feel most unaccepted?
Being disregarded or ignored. Being talked about (looks in my direction followed by sneers and loud comments, like Miki wrote), though that stems more on insecurity than feeling unaccepted, because most of the time I don't care whether I'm accepted or not by ppl who would do that. ;)

Are you generally insecure because of or in relation to this?
(ie, do you generally feel under accepted, or in need of acceptance?
Do you try to gain acceptance?
Are you deeply injured by a lack of acceptance?)
I try to find acceptance within, but still fall prey to old habits sometimes. I don't feel in NEED of acceptance. Rather than trying to gain acceptance, I tend to do things to prevent myself from being pushed away. I guess what it comes down to is that I'd rather not be noticed at all (lest someone see all of the glaring faults I sport) so I try not to stand out.

Deeply injured by a lack of acceptance? Yes. Jr High/High School. Plus one later friend who pretended to accept me, but it turned out to be lies... ALL LIES! I guess I have a long history of ppl who pretend to be my friends and then shit on me. Which has done wonders for my trust of ppl, especially women.

Can you trace any of this back to a root cause?
(ie, why does acceptance affect you the way it does?
This is usually alot further back than last year,
and alot deeper than you would explore daily.)
Past relationships. Being hurt after trusting people, after thinking I had been accepted. I've been lied to a lot. I've seen backstabbing up-close and personal.

Are your primary relationships specifically because of your need for acceptance,
or in addition to?
How so? Elaborate.
No. It's a nice perk, though. :)
If I had a relationship simply because I needed acceptance, I can't imagine it would last very long. I'd get bored in a hurry, and it couldn't be "real" anyway.

Name 3-5 major faults in yourself, other than a need for acceptance.
I'm always running behind. I get overwhelmed too easily. I'm a yes-girl-- routinely I take on too many projects. I'm stubborn. I shy away from confrontation.

Name 3-5 major beneficial traits/qualities as you see yourself.
I'm a good listener. I'm good at being objective. I'm very loyal.

-----> snippity!

Get one or two of your friends to name the same.
(ie, looking for disparity here. If they can't or won't,
then consider whether they are helping you grow and vice versa,
and how to fix that.)
Josh: good-- 1) you're one hell of a hottie 2) you're really smart and you figure things out 3) you understand me 4)you're very creative 5) you are probably about the most awesome mom or parent I have ever known
faults-- 1) you're neurotic about housecleaning 2) too hard on yourself for a lot of things 3) you're time impaired 4) if you get a little bit frustrated, or unsure, you back down too easily

Matt: faults--
* Obsession - You, like your husband (and most of you pesky humans),
seem to have little cycles in which you dwell for periods of time.
They're not really helpful, but they appear to be comfortable. However,
you do get over them.
* Self-doubt - This is totally unwarranted in my book and it feeds in
to ...
* Weird self-esteem stuff - Which I wish I could write more about, but
I will let it go with you rock and there's nothing wrong with you that I
can find. Except these 2, er, 3 things. ;)

The good!
* Intelligence / Problem Solving - You're one of the smartest people I
know. You grok both people and problems equally well and have a flair
for handling both with ease and grace.
* Truth - You're one of the few people I know that can accept the world
as it is, and the people in it, still love them and be a growing,
caring, happy person. You accept the raw truth of the world.
* Creativity - I'm regularly amazed at the things you create, up to and
including your children. I don't think I can come close to that at all.


If you were able to see these good things daily, how would you change?
I don't think it would change me; it's hard to say.


Can you accept that your friends' statements may be correct?
Yes.

Can you accept that they still accept you, despite your faults?
Yes.

How can you achieve a state such that you are regularly aware of these good traits?
(ie, what makes you notice them?
How can you combat the unsure feelings about them?)
I don't know-- it's not something I think about, and thus not something I notice. I don't necessarily have unsure feelings about them; it's just part of me. When I feel the need to change something about myself, I change it (that makes it sound so easy-- sometimes it can take quite a while).

What do you get from YOUR friends?
Laughter. Good conversation. Fun. Sharing life. Perspective. Love.
I learn from them.

Is there a good balance?
I hope so. Things are all different now that I'm a parent. There's not as much time to spend with friends, and my priorities are different. My close friends are even more important to me now, and they understand the time constraints. I'm grateful for that.

Are you now lost, cursing me for making this big list of evil questions?
(Blame me. It's ok. It's all my fault.)
Lost WITH you. :)
I'm kinda loopy today. Not quite coherent, and it shows. Whee?

  • 1