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Josh-D. S. Davis

Xaminmo / Omnimax / Max Omni / Mad Scientist / Midnight Shadow / Radiation Master

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Josh 201604 KWP
joshdavis
I saved this from a reply comment because I really liked it.
It seemed more apropos than to just one person.
But, I'm backdating it for the feigned limitation it imples,
rather than restricting its audience.


The worries are your mind
recalling things which haven' happenned,
but which if they would happen,
would match match your underlying feeling
at the time of their recall/manufacture.

Since it's "all in your head",
almost anything could put you there.

Meds alter your baseline,
but then you adapt.
Dropping to your old baseline,
ie, late or missed doses,
could send you there.

Maybe you just dont feel safe?
Daytime activities could distract,
but not resolve such things?

Maybe there are some mental ties
to your dad passing
that still need to be made.

Maybe life is too underwhelming,
even with the daily goodness.

Maybe your subconscious
needs you to feel
all of these things
until they are used up?

I'm not inside your head enough to know.
There are so many maybes.

Just so you know,
I daily worry about things.

Every day, some horrible thing happens,
and plays out in the worst possible way,
completely in my head.

I weigh whether I could handle the things.
I think about how they could be stopped.
I think about the consequences.
Sometimes, it's gruesome and detailed.

Luckily, I can almost always go to sleep,
just by lying down and deciding to sleep.

Deciding to sleep,
for me,
is to close my eyes,
and daydream.

I usually daydream myself to sleep,
started by something fun or technical,
which seemed interesting at the time.

Worrysome things happen during the day,
when I'm reminded that other people exist.

When there's alot of sounds
from other things,
I worry.

Something falls,
and it's someone in the house,
comming to kill me.

It's dark outside,
and I don't like to be
in front of windows,
because someone is hiding
in the shadows,
waiting to kill me.

Noisy neighbors,
and I think about what they're doing,
and what horrors could be happenning.

So maybe it's the noise of other people
constantly reminding you
that you're not alone,
that the walls aren't thick,
and safety is an illusion.